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Purple Rain: Christian Ponder’s iPod Shuffle

Purple Rain

Devastation reigned supreme on Sunday afternoon as fans poured out of Mall of America Field. After an o-2 start, the Vikings faithful had a brief moment of hope, if only for seven days, as they looked forward to the matchup with the dreadful Cleveland Browns. The star player, Trent Richardson, had been traded to Indianapolis during the week and third-string quarterback Brian Hoyer was given the keys to Cleveland’s rusty vehicle otherwise known as an NFL offense. In the end, Cleveland found a way to win 31-27 and Hoyer threw for 321 yards.

Vikings defenders may argue that their favorite squad found a way to lose. As the final minutes slowly withered away, the disturbed fans froze with horror during the last Cleveland drive as they approached the end zone.

“This is destiny”, said one fan, while another noted “There’s nothing we can do about this. It has been written.”

Is Minnesota cursed? Is there anything that can be done? Is Joe Mauer of the Minnesota Twins available for next week’s trip to London? After all, Joey Baseball was the nation’s top quarterback prospect as a senior at Cretin-Derham-Hall. It’s a difficult time in Minnesota, and the fans are losing faith despite the local mantra of KFAN’s Paul Allen who ends each tweet with #faith.

It’s a tragedy, is what it is, and many comparisons have been made in the last twenty-hours to ancient greek myths and Russian literature. One fan referenced the great Lermontov, whose words of fate speak volumes:

“Life is a bank, fate is the dealer and I am the player.” – Mikhail Lermontov

As Sunday afternoon came to end, there was a rapid increase of Spotify playlists that had recently added “Purple Rain” by Prince. Perhaps there was a light at the end of the tunnel, at least on this frightful day, as Breaking Bad would be on television later that night. The distressed fans of Minnesota could mentally transfer themselves to the character of Jesse Pinkman, and look forward to a storyline of joy and hope for the future.

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Jesse Pinkman finds light at the end of the tunnel.

Don’t you give up now, Minnesota. Don’t you give up. Your quarterback is keeping the Vikings in the game, even if interceptions are being handed out freely along with sacks.

“Everybody get ya sacks! Didya hear about the free sacks? Come and get ‘em!”

Try not think of Christian Ponder as the lead in an awful football movie called “The Interceptee” and it’s not fair to label the offensive line as “The Paperboys of Free Sack Land”. These are not my words, they are yours.

Like I said, give Ponder some time, even if he already has a couple 2-3 years of experience under his belt. Who knows what can happen aboard that plane to London. He might be inspired by tales of his wife’s trip to Fargo for ESPN College Gameday or perhaps even by an in-flight movie. You never know. The Vikings quarterback will sink back into his seat, put on the iPod and just listen away to a new playlist that he has made. There is only one song on this playlist, and it’s from a Minneapolis legend that only goes by one name.

Ponder will find a mental special place on the way to London and enjoy the sights of the city. The sounds of Prince and C.P.’s playlist of one song will help turn this sinking ship around.

Don’t worry, Minnesota, your quarterback will find his way.

Note: If he doesn’t find his way next week, then Minnesota should find an immediate replacement and confiscate Ponder’s iPod.

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